Yes, it's true. America's favorite "Thrillbillies," The Dukes of Hazzard, make their way to the big screen this weekend, premiering at a googleplex near you. To help us all through this low moment in cinematic history, Southern bloggers, Jeff, Dave, and Dallas, sent over a few sensible reasons why we should save our hard-earned $9.50. Please feel free to add a few reasons of your own—personally, we're still waiting for the film adaptation of B.J. and the Bear.
Top Ten Reasons Not To See The Dukes of Hazard
10. Still upset they didn't hire Cate Blanchett to play Daisy Duke
9. Why should I settle for two hours of a Hollywood remake when I can get the Dukes on DVD and spend a whole weekend watching them "never meaning no harm."
8. Watch Jessica Simpson act? I don't even want to hear her sing.
7. Despite my petition, they refused to give Enos a more prominent role.
6. If I wanted to see a fool drive recklessly in an orange car, I could watch Tony Stewart on television.
5. If Cooter doesn't want me to see it, who am I to argue?
4. Blew all my money at Lebowski Fest last month.
3. Have you seen what Hollywood did to Starsky & Hutch?
2. Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville as Bo and Luke Duke? Were Pauly Shore and Pee Wee Herman busy?
And the #1 reason not to see The Dukes of Hazzard :
1. Would rather sit at home and enjoy the Boss Hogg and Rosco Soundboards—especially eerie if you close your eyes while listening!
Because if you go, the lowest common denominator will be even lower next summer.
Posted by: Patry | August 07, 2005 at 01:40 AM